issues of confidence

i can honestly say that i've never cooked anything that just plain sucked. ever. Every plate has been edible and you know, relatively good for someone who loves food and cooks daily but only has few years experiance.

until today.

I fucking called myself trying Gnocchi, what a fucking disaster that was. to be totally honest i cant say it was totally horrible because ive never actually had gnocchi before. I researched recipes and made my own which was comprised from components from the better recipes.

it looked exactly like every picture of it ive ever seen. but the taste. somewhere between hot mashed potatoes. (not like done up buttery mashed potatoes, like cooked plain, mashed tubers)---and glue, covered in quite a lovely Genovese sauce tht turned out quite well.

i was crushed. i threw it all away and did an all hands on deck scrub down of my kitchen as punishment for having created something so foul.

i still dont get it, the recipewas followed exactly, water was salted, the best ingriedents were used, i just dont know what the fuck happened. i pulled them perfectly after the floated to the surface and everything. in about 15 minutes all faith i had in my culinary prowess had decipated.

i think it was mostly the pure shock that i was one of those people for the first time.

those people who makes jokes about how bad they cook. Im not like that, im the dude in my crowd going "fuck that, microwave meals, psssssh, i made braised beef ribs with roasted root vegetables last night" and feeling good because i know, that really, it was DAMN good, and these poor dumb bastards dont know what their missing.

I guess my point is this, the gods of the culinary olympus arent infallible, menus change for a reason and even Achatz, Adria, White and the rest of the countless greats have fucked up before. this is something I had to tell myself just to get myself right. the fact is repetition is something that is required to get good. Greatness may be a gift thrust upon some, but perfection of ones craft is something that must be earned through time, and respect and commitment and passion.

still pisses me off though.

Fuck it, im tired of having to go buy meat, next time im buying a whole primal.